Thank you Kat for reminding me about this blog! Lol.

This post is a big thank you to God for blessing me with two little miracles. During my infertility and not knowing why I was infertile or not having the insurance to get tests, etc. I turned all my anger, sorrow, depression and tears toward God. I hit rock bottom and knew the only way was to start praying to our Creator and believing He would give me what He knew I needed. I started thanking Him for my baby before I even conceived. I made a gender neutral nursery and every day I'd stop at the door and say the prayer I had hanging on the door. Friends would go in the nursery with me and pray a baby would soon be there. 25 months exactly from when we first started trying, I got a positive pregnancy test! I was so scared because of the miscarriage I had and trusting God at that point  seemed a lot harder than trusting Him to conceive.

Gideon Thomas was born at a healthy 8lb 14oz via csection at 40w1d. June 22nd 2012 at 9:35 pm. It was a failed induction but all that mattered is I was holding this beautiful baby in my arms. My baby...even now it still hits me now and then that he's MY baby. He's soon turning 4 and is everything you'd expect out of a "threenager"...now I constantly pray for patience LOL. Who knew a little child could know just how far to push his mama's buttons and test her!

When Gideon turned 1, we entertained the thought of wanting another. With the fear and anxiety of infertility coming back up to the surface, I started getting nervous. The first month we started trying, between the time I knew I ovulated and the time I'd test...I'd get anxious. I was thinking about it one day and God said "confess and believe"...that thought kept coming to mind so everyday until it was time to test, I would say "I'm going to be pregnant! Thank you God!" I tested at 9 dpo and a second line appeared. I was once again expecting! And I was so in shock that it took one time instead of 25 months that I couldn't comprehend it. At my 10 week ultrasound, doc said the measurements were off and the baby could have down syndrome or one of many other chromosomal issues. And asked if I wanted to abort if that was the case. I told him no of course. So he did blood work and all came back fine. I also found out through the blood work at 10 weeks, he was a boy. Before I knew his gender I was laying in bed so nervous about what the results might show and the name "Josiah" came to mind. I got up and kept thinking about the name so I looked it up. It means "Jehovah is my healer"....that's how Josiah got his name! He was born May 22nd 2014 at 7:11 pm. At 40w2d. After an attempted vbac he was also born via csection. 7lb 10oz. He is the total opposite of Gideon! This boy is a little firecracker! He's been ornery since day 1 haha. I think I got spoiled with gideon who was sooo pleasant, never touched plugs, was careful, listened to me (until now lol) and then Josiah comes along and hits terrible twos at the age of 1!! But I can't picture life without either of them!

We're wanting a third (and last) but my cycles are off and I'm not ovulating it seems. So once again I'm going to leave it all in God's hands and have faith He will give us just one more.

Stay tuned...

And I have no idea how to add pics of my boys from my tablet. ..darn it!

Rambling...

Haven't posted in a couple days. Not much happening I suppose. I got the results to my bloodwork on Thursday. Thyroid is good, glucose is good, progesterone is good, everything is normal. So doc put in a referral for me to go see an reproductive endocrinologist (sp). I guess I should be happy about it but I am kind of bummed. I was hoping a hormone was just off track or something and he could have just gave me a pill or something to take for a month to fix it. But since everything came back good with the bloodwork then there is another reason I'm not pregnant yet. It's kinda frustrating. I have alot on my mind. I don't want to say what it is but I do know God will provide and meet our needs. Please lift us in prayer.

Why "Bring The Rain"?

Yesterday I was feeling really down and depressed. It officially hit the 19 month mark of trying to conceive our first child together. I started thinking about if the first pregnancy would have stuck...that baby would have been 9 months old. Then I started thinking about the second pregnancy that ended way too early and how I would be 6 months along with that one. I tested yesterday in hopes I'd get my positive pregnancy test because of how beautiful my chart was looking. It was negative. I was crushed. My charts are so misleading. I wanted to give up. I wanted to forget about even wanting a baby and just put it in the past. Then I went to youtube.com to listen to music. I typed in "Bring on the rain"...its a JoDee Messina song. I seen a song on there from MercyMe called "Bring the rain"...out of curiousity I clicked on it. After listening to the words I knew it was God speaking to me. Immediately my mood changed. I was no longer depressed and crying. I started praying. I wanted to feel more of God. I was so comforted by the words of the song. I've been asked by people "How can you have so much faith in God?" How can I not? He is my rock and I live by His promise. How can I turn away from His love? I hope the words of this song touches you also! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kseRKxkq5iY

Introduction

I was thinking about starting a blog for some time now. I have so many thoughts running through my mind at times. I'm hoping this is something that others who are struggling in the same journey I am, can read and relate and know they are not alone. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 19 months. I am the proud step mom of two beautiful girls. I sometimes feel like a failure knowing my husband's ex gave him two beautiful kids but I am struggling to just carry and deliver one for him. This blog will be about my TTC journey along with other everyday thoughts. Anything I feel like writing about really. It is faith based. I am a daughter of the King. I KNOW my heavenly father won't let me down. I was told I would have children. I am standing firm on that promise God has given me. I am human so I struggle with my faith at times. Everytime I hear about another woman getting pregnant, or having an "oopsie" because she wasn't even trying...I feel like God forgot about me eventhough I know He hasn't. So anyway, here it is. I hope, if anything, someone can come on here and read and relate and just feel better knowing they aren't alone in this struggle.